Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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