idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Randomize
