Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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