sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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