why didn't you poke me back
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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