Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
