Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
