it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
