Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
