I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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