my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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