This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Randomize
