my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
