Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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