Do you still have your period?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
vagina is talking i cant
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
