Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
