Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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