They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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