im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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