the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
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