i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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