physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
