Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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