Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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