I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
