So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
