I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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