Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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