i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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