So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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