Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
You need a sexual gate keeper
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
