Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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