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• (631): View more from New York

  I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.

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• (214): View more from Texas

  You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.

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• (614): View more from Ohio

  I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.

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• (540): View more from Virginia

  i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.

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• (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.

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• (770): View more from Georgia

  Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.

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• (651): View more from Minnesota

  Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already

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• (563): View more from Iowa

  However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.

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• (515): View more from Iowa

  She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.

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• (419): View more from Ohio

  I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer

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• (209): View more from California

  Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds

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• (479): View more from Arkansas

  You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.

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• (707): View more from California

  I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!

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• (805): View more from California

  Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.

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• (808): View more from Hawaii

  Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??

  (970): View more from Colorado

  Yes, yes I do.

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