cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
