saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
