YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
