i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Randomize