Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
