Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
