I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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