We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
