Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
