oh god the rape fog is back!
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
