HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
