So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
