I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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