I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I got inside last night via doggy door
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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