Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Randomize
