dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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