I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
