Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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