I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Randomize
