So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
