Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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