Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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