You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
