I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
