But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
