You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
