Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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