Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
