Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Randomize
