You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Randomize
