So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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