PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
