hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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