Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
